If he refers to his man parts as his 'pipi' this is not a good sign...

and other things 2009 has taught me.

If I were to write a letter to myself at the beginning of the year to warn myself about 2009 it would read like this:

Dear Marlboro,

If you had any sense you would listen to what I have to tell you, but you are a stubborn shopaholic who 'knows best' so you probably won't. Despite this I am going to impart my wise words on you anyway - some things about 2009 that you should be aware of:

You will cut your hair into a page boy crop only to wish you had longer hair. You will despise your 'courage' for getting the chop and each and every one of your friends who encouraged you to 'go for it'.  As if that was not enough hate, your neck will be very annoyed at you as now it is cold.All.The.Time.

It does not take 5 months to grow your hair back to its original length despite how supernatural you believe your follicles to be.

Regardless of what your hairdresser tells you, you do not need a trim every 6 weeks.  Don't let that scissor wielding fiend near your tresses- how will it grow if she is cutting it all the time?  It will only end in tears.

You are five foot ten in height,therefore you will not last an hour in 6 inch heels be they Marni's, Giuseppe Zanotti or Prada. You will live in your Bally brogues and you will love living in your Bally brogues.  Save yourself the cash.

You will spend the entire year wishing the color out of your wardrobe because 'black is so Givenchy' only to reach the end of the year wishing that you JUST HAD SOMETHING THAT WAS ORANGE and go nuts with the credit card. Again save yourself the cash.


True blood will take over your life, and you will finally see the ugliness of that program 'ugly Betty'.

You will face relationship karma this year:

Remember the New Yorker who flew to Paris to take you to dinner when you lived there? Remember when you moved back to London and you decided (after he took you on a very impressively expensive date and drove you back home in his fancy car) to not call him again no explanation? Because of your crappy attitude 2009 will only bring you men with ridiculous substance abuse problems, ginger hair and men who cannot afford their own socks.

Men who are 'artists' are hot, but within reason.  When they are artists and 35, still in school and excited about getting their student loan so they no longer have to deliver bread in the morning- call it a day.

The only person you fall in love with this year is Justin Bobby from The City, and even then you go off him because he cuts his hair, and refuses to come out of the TV and live with you no matter how many times you ask him. Good luck with that.

Your Max Mara beige wool/ cashmere coat will be the best purchase you make this year - you will want to sleep in this coat.  Don't, really don't.

MAC will discontinue your favorite lipstick - that's right fool, 'odyessy' will be gone... stop reading this and GO STOCK UP, GO NOW.

You will fall flat on your face at Palais de Tokyo in Paris, in front of Justice, Yuksek and the dude from Metronomy you will end up in hospital. 2ce. Remember what I said about those 6 inchers and if nothing else take THAT on board.

At the end of 2009 you will only be capable of writing in lists.

Your blog will bring you 171 new friends, your trip to NYC will introduce you to even more and the year will be an incredibly shiny one (despite your idiocy regarding your credit card and hair).

It will snow this Christmas.

Smile

MM x